Quirks With Zelda I

(reissued from September 18 2004)

Hmm.

Going to NYP everyday is not as bad as trying to escape going to NYP everyday by bus with a terrible pain in the arse...... Zelda.

Let me explain: Zelda is a person (is she??), a girl of 1.7something height, approximately 80kilos ( I'm only 72 kilos) and the voice that can raise the dead.... along with terrible communications skills. Luckily she is in Alvin's (giantzucchini.blogspot.com) class (Thank Goodness!!), and while she is not trying to irritate people with her 'oh i'm so clever' speeches which punctuates people in the middle of conversation, she is singing to herself, and the rest of us, who desperately try to block the horrible sounds out. We fail miserably everytime.

So one day I got my bus pass (which enabled me to take an unlimited number of bus trips while paying only a fixed sum per month) and decided to take an alternate bus route. Lo and behold, there was Zelda waiting at the bus stop as I sat in the bus and the bus went over to pick her up. When she got onboard, I could almost hear the bus groan under her weight and as she grinned brilliantly at me, I tried very hard not to break down and surrender to her endless barrage of nonsense.

This continued for three days, and finally when I went for lunch with Alvin and the rest of his classmates I decided to be very horrible to her.... hopefully try to knock some sense into her thick skull which is responsible for most of her weight.

So here we are eating lunch, she starts telling me something:

'blahblahblahblahblahblah'

'Mmm....' I pretend to hear her while just looking at my fried rice.

'blahblahblahblahblahblah'

'Mmm Hmm....' I'm still pretending to hear her as I simultaneously enjoyed my lunch audibly.

'blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah'

At this point, I decided to show her that I wasn't really listening:

'You were saying something Zelda??'

This earned me a slap on my shoulder, and i pretended as though I was hit by a car, earning more slaps while Alvin laughed his head off.

Alvin continued our conversation about our capabilities in the fields of math and engineering and suddenly Zelda jumped in saying:

'I really can't do blahblahblah, and I also can't do blablahblahblah...'

So I said: 'What CAN you do Zelda??? Apart from irritaing people I mean...'

I earned a few more slaps on the shoulder causing more laughter from Alvin and the rest of us, and left quickly after crushing my drink can with one hand.I really can't stand her singing. She was singing while walking with me one day, and I decided to say something cunning:

'Zelda, can you hear the walls moaning...the ground shaking whenever you sing???'

She rsponded with a slap to my shoulder and grinning foolishly. She said:

'Hey, I almost made it into a recording company you know...'

'Yeah... What about that "almost" huh?'

Another slap. She then said:

'The recording company said that I had to lose like 10 kilos before I was viable for selection'

'Yeah.... BIG surprise Zelda... I bet that was just an excuse you know, but a good one nontheless.'

Another slap.She started singing again, this time in a crowded corridor, and she was very audible, so I said:

"I think it's for the sake of the everyone's good you just shut up right now and spare the innocent people Zelda....'

You can Imagine the rest. Arkarkarkarkark....


Cheers,

Crawldaddy