All Apologies

(Reissued from September 23 2004)

Hmm.

Yesterday, Alvin and I covered 'Stairway To Heaven', but we converted it into a parody. the name of this parody is 'She Can't Sing For Nuts', and we received a couple of feedback notes about our song, which poked fun (insulted is more close) at Zelda.

The feedback from my classmate was this:

I should not have sang the song and given away who i was singing about, because it showed a sense of malice and insensitivity on my part. I completely agree... I couldn't have been more rude.

Therefore.... The Fuzzy Green Grass has hereby agreed never to sing 'She Can't Sing For Nuts' in open, only to ourselves, and reserve our thoughts about Zelda's lousy singing to ourselves (if Zelda will allow it anyway).

Anyway, even if we don't say anything, your ears'll be bleeding when you hear her singing.

Here's the Lyrics:

She Can't Sing For Nuts (Stairway To Heaven)

There's a lady who's sure, all she utters is gold...And she cannot sing for nuts.
When she gets here she'll know, why our ears are all closed...with a word to shut her trap up.

Ooooh, ooooh, and she cannot sing a song for nuts.

There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure

Cuz you know sometimes words have two meanings.

If you read our book, you will find what you readisn't always underrated.

Ooooh, makes me wonder. Ooooh, makes me shudder...

There's a feeling I get, when she opens her trapand my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen her stoned in the streetsby those who can't stand it any longer.
And it's whispered that soon, if she will sing in tune then she will finally listen to reason.
And the new day will dawn, for those who suffered long and our voices will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your earhole don't jump the gun now: it's just her building up on lame steam.
Yes, there's a certain way to ignore her, but if it ain't fun there's still time to throw the rope at her.

Your head is humming and it won't go because we all know that she is calling and we're running.
Dear lady can you hear our ears groan, and did you know?That you are making such a great din.

Aaaah, aaaah.

Solo (first the banjo then the electric guitar)

And as we run on down the road, her voice is louder that our soles.
Here comes the lady we all know,who can't sing and wants to know
Why we are feeling oh so cold
And if she listens very hard
The truth will come to her at last
Why everytime we catch no ball
Guess everyone will surely know.....

That she cannot sing.... for nuts.....

Ok, fine, Me and Alvin are two very wicked people when it comes to such matters (parodies), and we always try to top oursleves, so watch out dudes!!!


Cheers,

Crawldaddy

Quirks With Zelda I

(reissued from September 18 2004)

Hmm.

Going to NYP everyday is not as bad as trying to escape going to NYP everyday by bus with a terrible pain in the arse...... Zelda.

Let me explain: Zelda is a person (is she??), a girl of 1.7something height, approximately 80kilos ( I'm only 72 kilos) and the voice that can raise the dead.... along with terrible communications skills. Luckily she is in Alvin's (giantzucchini.blogspot.com) class (Thank Goodness!!), and while she is not trying to irritate people with her 'oh i'm so clever' speeches which punctuates people in the middle of conversation, she is singing to herself, and the rest of us, who desperately try to block the horrible sounds out. We fail miserably everytime.

So one day I got my bus pass (which enabled me to take an unlimited number of bus trips while paying only a fixed sum per month) and decided to take an alternate bus route. Lo and behold, there was Zelda waiting at the bus stop as I sat in the bus and the bus went over to pick her up. When she got onboard, I could almost hear the bus groan under her weight and as she grinned brilliantly at me, I tried very hard not to break down and surrender to her endless barrage of nonsense.

This continued for three days, and finally when I went for lunch with Alvin and the rest of his classmates I decided to be very horrible to her.... hopefully try to knock some sense into her thick skull which is responsible for most of her weight.

So here we are eating lunch, she starts telling me something:

'blahblahblahblahblahblah'

'Mmm....' I pretend to hear her while just looking at my fried rice.

'blahblahblahblahblahblah'

'Mmm Hmm....' I'm still pretending to hear her as I simultaneously enjoyed my lunch audibly.

'blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah'

At this point, I decided to show her that I wasn't really listening:

'You were saying something Zelda??'

This earned me a slap on my shoulder, and i pretended as though I was hit by a car, earning more slaps while Alvin laughed his head off.

Alvin continued our conversation about our capabilities in the fields of math and engineering and suddenly Zelda jumped in saying:

'I really can't do blahblahblah, and I also can't do blablahblahblah...'

So I said: 'What CAN you do Zelda??? Apart from irritaing people I mean...'

I earned a few more slaps on the shoulder causing more laughter from Alvin and the rest of us, and left quickly after crushing my drink can with one hand.I really can't stand her singing. She was singing while walking with me one day, and I decided to say something cunning:

'Zelda, can you hear the walls moaning...the ground shaking whenever you sing???'

She rsponded with a slap to my shoulder and grinning foolishly. She said:

'Hey, I almost made it into a recording company you know...'

'Yeah... What about that "almost" huh?'

Another slap. She then said:

'The recording company said that I had to lose like 10 kilos before I was viable for selection'

'Yeah.... BIG surprise Zelda... I bet that was just an excuse you know, but a good one nontheless.'

Another slap.She started singing again, this time in a crowded corridor, and she was very audible, so I said:

"I think it's for the sake of the everyone's good you just shut up right now and spare the innocent people Zelda....'

You can Imagine the rest. Arkarkarkarkark....


Cheers,

Crawldaddy